Thursday, September 4, 2014

I've had this awful fear since the seizures started about having to deal with one in public.  Maybe my fear is due to the fact that I tend to panic like a madwoman every time she has one partly due to my struggle with PTSD, or maybe because it's something so private that only my own family has witnessed and I couldn't bear the thought of anyone seeing it.  I don't know, but I do know that the fear has left me afraid to go anywhere for months.  I used to always be out somewhere shopping, coffee shops, libraries.  I hated staying home.  Now I hardly go anywhere and never with the kids alone.  This weekend was the dreaded back to school shopping.  I knew we were pushing Paloma's already delicate limits.  A couple of months ago we wouldn't have given any thought to being out all day.  But now with her ever increasing seizures I should have known better.  We had to go to the mall and then we headed to Target.  The store was crazier than usual. I found myself getting overwhelmed.  As we were heading to the checkout after being there for an hour Paloma started seizing.  David and Selah were still in the grocery section. I ditched the cart, heart pumping, carrying Paloma and holding Stella's hand.  David saw me coming and ran to meet me.  We went to a side aisle and laid her out on David's over shirt (a lesson to always have a blanket with us) We just stayed there letting her smell her essential oils as we talked to her trying to bring her out of it.  Eventually it stopped, it must have been at least five minutes, I don't know.  People stared but no one said anything or tried to help.  I'm thankful we were able to deal with it on our own private aisle.  We picked her up and checked out like it was nothing.  So at least one fear has been conquered. There will be others I'm sure. 

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