Thursday, September 11, 2014

We found out yesterday we will be moving to Utah.  I don't know exactly how I feel about it yet.  I had my heart set on Colorado for sure.  In my mind Colorado was the ultimate place where we could get what we needed for Paloma.  My prayer lately has been that we would go where she can get the best care and that God would prepare for us friends, church, doctors and our first house.  To doubt this assignment feels like doubting God.  All I can do now is trust.  

I've been thinking a lot about how I want our future to look.  I know it will be messy and chaotic at times but I hope it is filled with love and adventure.  In my ideal world I would homeschool. I've always been drawn to the idea and even tried it out for a year.   In reality though I can often be lazy to follow through, a dreamer and sometimes moody and in need of my own space and time, which doesn't lend itself to being the best homeschool mom. 

Having this conversation with my mother today she says, "that child has got to be in school as soon as y'all get there, school is so important." (I'm from Texas by the way)  But you know what school is, school is some kid calling Selah ugly at the lunch table yesterday and she cried on the way home and no matter how many times I tell she is beautiful all she can hear is that one jerk-face kid's voice over and over.   I hate how humans an be so cruel sometimes, always looking for the one that's a little different to pick on. 

So in my ideal world school would look like this, no force or reward, just sitting around the table reading for the fun of it.  Now if only I knew how to bridge my ideal world with my reality.  

I don't know what Paloma's future will look like or what her dependence on me will be but I hope that this move is the start of us fulfilling the life we have been dreaming of for some time.  Life has felt stalled for so long. I'm ready to put these last few years behind us and to really start living again. 

1 comment:

  1. Please tell selah what an awesome badass.chick she is! Because she truly is! I'm excited for you to go Utah! I think they have good stuff to do there...very family oriented! Jrr