Dec update*

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

My semester is nearing the end.  I've submitted two essays to magazines for my creative writing classes. I've learned a lot about the mistakes I make in writing, too much clutter, passive voice, switching tenses.  Although I didn't see eye to eye with my Hemingway obsessed professor I've learned a great deal and I'm glad I took the class.

I wanted to be an example for other seizure parents, look at me I can finish my degree and handle everything.  But, the truth is it has been hard.  Things have sort of fallen apart on the home front and I'm left feeling guilty for all my energy is going into my classes.  I decided I can't continue.  I'm going to finish up online.  I never wanted to be someone who went to school online but I'm glad it exist and I still have GI bill money left so its all paid for.

My dream was to go to a Buddhist school in Boulder after I got out of the military.  I visited it when I was 20. As a senior in high school I was obsessed with the Beats.  I wrote my senior English project on Jack Kerouac. My teacher had no idea who he was. My life took another path and I don't have regrets (most days)  but I never forgot about it.  They offer a creative writing Masters degree online and I'm looking into the possibility of it.

Paloma has continued down the path of more seizures. Daily eye flutters once only noticeable to us are now catching everyone else's eyes and they ask for explanation. They make her pause in her steps. We've been using rescue meds more frequently.

I'm waiting on a new CBD oil to try.   After that we don't have many options.

We see the neurologist next week and I'm planning on asking about VNS.  We've thought about asking the military to send us somewhere with an actual medical marijuana law in place instead of the joke of a law here in Utah.  It's a long shot.  We wanted to ask for it last year before we moved but we were warned not to mention cannabis by the powers that be so instead we asked to be moved somewhere that had better neurologist.  I don't even know if its worth pursuing.

I've been taking care of my mental health better. I had my first therapy appointment yesterday.  I did all the talking.  The therapist is a middle aged Chinese woman with seventies Joan Jett hair.  She whispers and makes eye contact too long.   I told her up front I wasn't interested in being put on anti depressants.  She wrote a lot of shit down.  I wonder how crazy I actually am.

2 comments:

  1. There's so much here, and I wish I could take you out for coffee or a glass of wine or beer and just support you. I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is having a lot of seizures -- I know that tinkering with dosage and adding THC is what helps my daughter the most. I know you can't necessarily do that in Utah, and that makes me so upset. I think YOU should be taking CBD as well for your anxiety and depression -- did you know that it's helping some with both? What you're doing and experiencing, living and caring for a child with epilepsy is HUGE -- take care of yourself, and if you ever need to talk please feel free to email me! Sending love and support right now.

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    1. Thank you Elizabeth. I would be honored to sit down and talk with you. Thanks for reading and always encouraging.

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